Let Him Go
by Waiting-for-a-mad-man-in-221b
Summary: "I can say sorry until I'm blue in the face but it's not going to change anything and I know that." Post "The Break Up", Blaine wants Kurt back, but how can he do that if Kurt won't answer his calls or texts? Kurt's song is called Traveling Alone by Passenger, Blaine's song is called Let Her Go also by passenger. I changed pronouns for both so that they would work better.


_Well you only need the light when it's burning low_

_Only miss the sun when it starts to snow_

_Only know you love him when you let him go_

"Why did you just leave?"

"What? Was I supposed to just stay in New York when you wouldn't even speak to me? I wanted to try to talk things out, Kurt; you're the one who wouldn't listen."

"How could I talk when I had no idea what to say? You made me feel… you made me feel like I was going to die Blaine; how was I supposed to find the words to say, I couldn't even think straight. Sometimes I had to remind myself to fucking breath. God! I was so in love with you and now I just- I still don't know what to say." The silence is almost palpable; Kurt inhales deeply making the line crackle.

"I guess- guess I'll let you go then." Blaine chokes out, and Kurt's sniffles and loud exhale of shuddering breath are his only answers. Kurt slams the old rotary phone back on the hook. He slides down the wall, he just sits there for a little while, staring at the bouquet that he had taken home from his office; he was sick of answering questions about the sender. He'd planned to throw them away but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

_Well he walked out of the hotel I could still smell the smoke of a burning heart left inside_

"Kurt?" Rachel approached timidly; she rubbed a hand up and down his arms a few times. It was meant to be comforting but Kurt had to hold himself back from shaking it off and storming into his room.

_He said, "Men are all assholes; and life's a bad joke." He laughed then started to cry_

"I don't want it to be over, Rachel," he sighed running a shaky hand through his bed head. "But I don't know if I can do this anymore." His laugh was choked and pathetic sounding; the tears that followed were not much different. "I'm just having a hard time believing that that was Blaine; I mean he was furious with me for texting Chandler and I-" He wipes his nose on his sleeve, not having to worry about ruining a delicate fabric, because he hasn't changed out of his pajamas for two days. It was the weekend and he planned to spend every weekend of the rest of his life moping; no matter how hard Rachel tried to get him out of the house.

"Come on, Kurt. You know you'll feel better in Marc Jacob's! Just get changed, and we can go to Call Backs and get your mind off him."

"No just," he pushes himself off the floor. "Go without me. I'll only bring you down." He disappears behind the curtain that separates his room from the rest of the shabby studio.

_Only know you've been high when you're feeling low_

_Only hate the road when you're missing home_

_Only know you love him when you let him go_

_And you let him go_

"Blaine I know you didn't want to hurt him," Burt tries to keep his tone soft, for Blaine's sake, but there is an edge to it. His baby boy is hurt and he's sitting across from the punk who hurt him. Ok, so Blaine's not a punk but he still hurt Kurt, and Burt wants to get to the bottom of things. "But you did, so why don't we start with what you did because he's not gonna tell me."

Blaine seems to be finding the floor really interesting. "I-uh," he looks up and is surprised to find that Burt's eyes are more sympathetic than mad. He lets himself fall apart; he trusts Burt. However awkward this is, to be spilling your feelings out to a man that probably hates you at the moment, Burt is the only adult who he can talk to. "I cheated. I just- god I'm so _stupid_. I wasn't even drunk, not even tipsy. I knew what I was doing and in the moment I just couldn't stop myself. I was just so alone." Burt moves around the kitchen table to sit in the seat next to Blaine; a strong hand claps onto Blaine's shoulder and he continues. "I forgot what it felt like to have no one. I know that I still had him but he was so busy, and he never answered my calls and I know- I _know _he didn't mean to ignore me, but he was. I just felt like I was back in Freshman year; laying in that hospital bed just waiting for someone to come and visit me. Waiting for someone to see how hurt I was, but no one came."

_Staring at the bottom of your glass hoping one day you'll make a dream last but dreams come slow and they go so fast_

He looks to Burt; fat tears sit in his eyes ready to spill at anytime. He doesn't wait for Burt to say anything, knowing that if he asks about the dance that he'll only break down more and if he does that he won't be able to get out this next part. "I am so sorry Mr. Hummel. I never meant to hurt him. Eli was just there and he made me feel important; he could see how hurt and alone I was, and he fixed it. For a few minutes anyway; and then I left, and I was more broken than ever. I went to New York and Kurt was so happy to see me and I just hoped that he would forgive me- and then I sang to him and I couldn't even finish the song I was so choked up and he just looked at me like, 'what did you do?'"

"So you heard?"

"Come on man, you think I couldn't tell with Blaine's constant moping." Kurt knew Sam was going to try to stick up for him, and he really didn't want to hear it right now.

"Listen Sam, I don't want to hear it, I don't want to hear how sad Blaine looks; I don't want you to tell me to give him another chance. I want to mope, and I want to think and then I will decide, _by myself." _Kurt rolls his eyes when he hears Sam sigh on the other line.

"Just talk to him ok? I've never seen him this depressed. It's starting to scare me, Kurt."

Good, Kurt thought. He deserves to be depressed; he deserves to be angry with himself. "I'll talk to him when I have something to say. Goodbye Sam."

_See 10 years with this man_

_And a lifetime of plans _

_You know I loved him to his bones_

**Blaine: 4:06pm:** _**Please just answer, I don't care if you scream and yell at me; I just need to hear your voice. **_

That makes 113 texts and 76 phone calls that Kurt has left unanswered; just in a week's time.

"Blaine again?" Isabelle asks. Kurt sometimes wishes he and his boss weren't so close; he already has Sam and Rachel up his ass about calling Blaine, and ever since Blaine had the bouquet sent, he's had Isabelle squished up there too.

"Maybe…" Ok so he isn't fooling anyone. "Yes."

"It's been a week Kurt, maybe it's time to answer him; you can't leave him hanging on forever." She's right he supposes, but he's still not sure what he's going to say. What do you tell the man you thought you were going to spend forever with that it's over? How do you tell yourself that?

"I shouldn't make personal calls during work; don't want my boss to get mad at me." He deadpans, Isabelle frowns, and Kurt returns to his little closet of an office to escape her look of disappointment.

_You see him when you close your eyes_

_Maybe one day you'll understand why_

_Everything you touch, oh it dies_

He hasn't slept more than 5 hours since the last time he talked to Kurt; every time her tries he sees the look on Kurt's face when he told him. He keeps his eyes open as long as he can. Hasn't gelled his hair; hasn't bothered to get out of bed, not even for school. And just before he does fall asleep there is a nock on his bedroom door. He doesn't bother answering it, just grunts to alert who ever it is that he is alive-barely- and that they can come in.

"Blainers?" He jumps up in his bed, he can see the door now and who is standing it its way and honestly can't believe his eyes.

"Coop? What are you doing here?" Cooper strides over and settles next to his little brother on the bed.

"Mom called, told me what happened, said you wouldn't come out of your room. I was worried about you baby bro; and rightfully so, you look like shit, B."

"Thank you, Cooper." He pulls the blankets back over his head, flopping himself back into his pillows.

"No come on, Blaine," they fight for the blanket; Cooper wins. "Listen to me; I hate seeing you like this."

Blaine rubs at his bloodshot eyes. "I really fucked up coop. I ruined everything; I _always_ ruin everything."

"Like what?" Cooper asks incredulously. Blaine looks at his comforter, tracing the design with his eyes.

"My relationship with Kurt, my relationship with you and mom and dad, I made Ryker's family leave the state."

"Hey, don't you believe any of that for a second." Cooper grabs Blaine's face in both hands, forcing him to look into his eyes. "Especially- you were not the reason why Ryker left Blaine; if I had just been a fucking chaperone like you asked-"

"If it's not my fault then it's definitely your fault either. Forget about that anyway, I really just want to go to sleep; I'll talk to you in the morning." They fight for the blanket again; Cooper remains undefeated.

"Blaine I'm not letting you go to sleep until you make this right with Kurt."

"You don't think I've tired? He won't answer my calls, or texts, or emails."

"Then go to him. Make him listen."

_I've never felt silence _

_Come and hit me like a train_

_I've never felt silence _

_Like blood _

_Course through my veins_

Rachel was with Brody at some dance thing. Kurt thanks the God he doesn't believe in for the time alone. But when he's alone he lets his mind wander. He picks up his phone, his thumb hovers over the 1 key, Blaine's speed dial. He locks his phone and slides it across his bed. No, he's not going to call him in this state. He's feeling vulnerable now; he can't be vulnerable when he calls Blaine, because Blaine knows how to get to him when he's like this. He can't let Blaine get to him.

The Ben & Jerry's in the freezer calls to him; he answers, not bothering to scoop any he just grabs a spoon and digs in. He sits there in the looming silence, he lets himself be washed away by the force of it; he doesn't like where it takes him.

_And I'm loving a shadow_

_And I'm trying to catch the rain_

_No I've never felt silence_

_Until I felt it today_

Blaine doesn't text or call on the morning of the 9th day. Kurt thinks that maybe he's waiting for him to make a move now; Kurt wished he wasn't. He hadn't realized how much those texts meant to him; and god that was stupid wasn't it? He wasn't supposed to want Blaine to call or text, but Blaine texting him meant that he was still upset and that he still wanted to fix things. Maybe Blaine had just given up.

And that scared Kurt the most because Blaine Anderson did not give up; and if he had, then Kurt guessed he really didn't know Blaine Anderson anymore.

_Staring at the ceiling in the dark_

_Same old empty feeling in your heart_

_'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast_

Blaine steeled himself for Kurt's reaction; he knocks on the door semi reluctantly.

"Jesus, Rachel; we can't both forget our keys." Kurt's expression went from partially annoyed to extremely annoyed when he saw that it was not Rachel at the door.

"We need to talk." Kurt returned to where he'd made an ass shaped dent in the floor cushion, leaving the door open, which Blaine took as an invitation. Blaine eased himself onto the other one. They didn't look at each other; couldn't look at each other. "I can say sorry until I'm blue in the face but it's not going to change anything and I know that."

Kurt's lip press together in a straight line, he crosses his arms in front of him. He quirks and eyebrow and waits for Blaine to continue. "I was mad Kurt; at you, but at myself mostly. I saw how unhappy you were in Lima and I pushed you out of there. And for the first few weeks the Skype sessions and phone calls and texts were enough; then you started working at Vogue and everything kind of just fell apart. And you didn't even seem to notice, and I couldn't even blame you because_ I_ was the one who pushed you away.

"But I blamed you anyway, I blamed you for how alone I felt. Every time I called you had some reason to hang up, or you just wouldn't let me get a word in. I felt like you were forgetting me. And I felt how you felt when you were texting Chandler only ten fold because you were really gone this time.

"And I don't blame you if you hate me, I hate me, I just needed to tell you all of it. I needed to tell you that I still love you, and that I really don't want this to be the end." Kurt tries to keep the tears at bay; he tries to kid himself into thinking that Blaine coming here doesn't change anything. Because it totally doesn't. He takes in Blaine's broken state; his red face, unruly curls without a drop of product in sight, his watery sorrowful eyes. It still doesn't change anything.

"Blaine what I did with Chandler was nothing compared to what you did with Eli."

Blaine looks up at the ceiling, he rubs his hands together just to give them something to do.

"I know."

"Don't you have anything to say about it?"

"What am I going to say Kurt? That it was wrong for me to do it, that it was wrong and that I should be ashamed of myself? I know all of those things Kurt, and I know you; it's not going to matter how many times I tell you how wrong I was and how sorry I am. You're going to need time to think about everything I said, you're going to measure everything and then re-measure; then you're going to decide whether to put everything back together or to scrap it completely. It'll take a long time, and we might both get pricked a few times in the process, but whatever decision you come to I will respect. Just know that I'll be waiting, and that I love you and that's never going to change."

When Kurt doesn't say anything else Blaine explains that he's staying at a hotel down the street and that he'll be here for the next couple of days.

"I really hope this isn't goodbye for good, Kurt."

"Night, Blaine."

_Well you see him when you fall asleep_

_But never to touch and never to keep_

_'Cause you loved him too much and you dive too deep_

Blaine dreams of them a few years from now, they're living in a medium sized apartment at the top of Manhattan. There are photos of them everywhere; there is a photo of Kurt in The New York Times, it's the announcement of his first clothing line. Blaine finds a plaque with his name on it; it tells him that his first album has made it to number one in the charts. He finds another picture that shows them holding up each other's accomplishments, Blaine is kissing Kurt's cheek, and Kurt is standing there looking so proud of Blaine and himself.

Blaine wishes he didn't have to wake up; but when he does he wonders if that future is a possibility or if it's just a pipe dream.

xXx

This time when Blaine doesn't text him he's glad; he can't let himself be swayed by some pitiful text, because he knows he would be.

xXx

The silence of his hotel room is interrupted by Katy Perry's teenage dream. Kurt.

He answers with a strangled, airy, "Hi."

"We can't do this over the phone." Kurt responds. Blaine tries to pick up on Kurt's tone but it's completely flat. He's not giving anything away. He really has no idea if that's a good sign or not.

"I'll be over there in a couple of minutes."

xXx

The door slides open. Blaine is relieved to see that Kurt is showered, has ditched the pajamas and is wearing something more Kurt-esque. They just stand there giving each other fleeting glances; and when Kurt steps forward Blaine follows until they're mere inches apart.

"I'm still really hurt." He starts.

"You have every right to be." Blaine supplies.

"But I can't seem to stop loving you, and it took a while for me to realize that I guess I can't stop loving you because I don't want to. And now that you've explained everything I feel awful, and I can see where you're coming from, and I forgive you. And I'm sorry that I got so wrapped up in New York that you felt like I was forgetting you; please don't ever think that you are anywhere close to forgettable Blaine Anderson."

"God, Kurt, don't be sorry, I was the one that screwed everything up."

"But if I wasn't ignoring you, you wouldn't have gone to Eli for comfort and none of this would have happened."

"Let's just agree that I'm an idiot either way."

"You're not an idiot, you are the love of my life and I am sorry that I made you feel like anything less than that." Kurt closes the distance between them; their lips meet in a passionate hungry kiss. Tongues slide languidly, teeth clink and bite at each other. They kiss until they're both to breathless to continue, and they just stand there holding onto each other. Blaine lets the relief flood through him; he buries his head into Kurt's neck and lets the tears he'd been trying to hide from Kurt spill. Kurt moves to pull away to drag Blaine into the apartment, sit him down and comfort him, but Blaine protest, clutching onto the back of Kurt's shirt.

"Please don't let go. Just-not yet." He begs, his voice sounding so needy, Kurt wraps himself tighter around Blaine's shaking frame.

"Never." He assures.


End file.
